I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize
