Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
