she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
