I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Randomize
