She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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