I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
So much rum. So many feels.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
