his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Randomize
