i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
