I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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