sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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