there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
