i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Randomize
