So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
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