I'm jealous of your bromance
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
