You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Randomize
