Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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