Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize