You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Randomize
