Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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