So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize