he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
