Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
