Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
