i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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