At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Randomize
