Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I wish i was in the wii world.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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