I wish my penis had an off switch
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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