Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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