well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Randomize
