Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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