i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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