Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
This is my gift to your gina
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
