if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
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