the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
We're too hungover to prance.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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