Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
