i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
