...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize