i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
