Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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