Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
