How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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