We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
