"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
