i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
