is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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