Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
