if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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