just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
