omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
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