You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
