i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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