if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
