I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
soo... how was my night?
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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