Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
