Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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