Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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