he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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