genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
