he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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