You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
