just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize