Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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