I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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