1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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