Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize